This week I cannot fail.
The Ex-GF came back from her vacation - how do I know? I'm obsessed. She's back at it again, sleeping with randoms, telling her friends for a good laugh.
I still can't believe that she thought it would be okay to tell me in graphic detail her sexual exploits just after we'd broken up. All this, combined with her mental explosion and drunk dialing are causing me great pain and anguish.
She has asked to meet with me (sometime in the near future) to apologize and give back some of my old items.
How do I feel about this? I'm still not sure. Should I tell her how much I miss her. How much I still feel for her? Or is this suicide? I need more time for my brain to adjust to what happened between us. And the notion that I gave up, and I have to deal with it.
How hypocritical I am, my stomach turning somersaults at the thought of her fucking random guys, and her friends instigating it, and having a good laugh at her expense. How fucking foolish am I to believe I could have had any effect on her life?
Chances are, she won't e-mail me to follow up on our supposed meeting. At this point, I'm considering not responding if she does try to reach out to me. I want to hear her voice, look into her eyes and tell another lie. Lie by omission of my feelings, lie by ignoring how I feel, and by not sharing my regrets.
I truly ... still love her. There's just no going back.
This week:
Work out 4 times (a must)
Work out Rent details with Lidia
Budget lunch meals (2.50 per day)
Call Ministry of Transportation (for parking ticket)
Talk to Recruitment center about Military enlistment options
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